I have a secret spot that hovers above a very busy intersection. At any time of day, angry horns, voices and ambulances rage the lanes, employing a variety of sounds and swears in various languages. Planes stream by every 5-10 minutes. And yet, despite the fact that I am normally not able to sleep (no matter how much I work out or what I do or do not eat), I can fall asleep in my secret spot clothes free outside with no problem, despite the noises. Something about the fresh air coursing through my body and enveloping my entire being puts me at ease. It gives me peace.
My first great revelation to this came last summer when I first went clothes free camping. Reading, writing, doing yoga, eating, cooking, walking and sleeping all day long not only taught me what it felt like to be free, but it connected me to what truth feels like in my body. What has since come alive for me is what I’d dare to stand for or in my everyday life. I’m daring to question all the things I had assumed had to be a certain way, because I’ve now had an experience of optimal health and sincere happiness while being clothes free in nature.
In recent months I realized that sitting at my desk indoors for hours on end has been killing my body (and soul). All the yoga I’d been doing wasn’t enough to reverse the effects of the office. Although some changes have helped, I’m still faced with the fact that my body remembers what it was like to be in an optimal situation: healthy natural state, fresh outdoor setting and fantastic company. It remembers regulating itself and how “happy” and “healthy” registered in its bones, tissues, muscles, breathing patterns, etc. It knows that’s what was good for it, and it is demanding that in very marked ways.
I’ve been wrestling with the discomfort I’ve been feeling in my body in response to things at the office and other areas of life for quite some time. Was I just being fussy? Couldn’t I suck it up and just pay my dues? Do the time, and in 30 years I can be happy, healthy and free.
My body laughed at the thought of waiting 30 years to be healthy. It started shutting down and protesting in many ways including inability to sleep (and all the things that result from that), unresponsiveness to changes in diet and workouts, and overall unhappiness. Flickers of past issues began to surface again, including glimpses of epilepsy, disordered / imbalanced eating, anxiety, withdrawal, lack of energy, etc. As much as I love everything about yoga, working out, being active, writing, playing, and so on, nothing can take the place of simply being directly connected to nature. For me, there is a marked difference between being outdoors with clothes on and being clothes free. I’ve spent time walking about outside fully adorned, but nothing has such a direct impact on my system as actually being clothes free in the elements.
So, rather than continue to fight my body or beat it into submission, I decided to sit down and listen to it’s take on what is healthy for it and what is not. With that, I will be making some big changes over the next year to return to that state of wisdom and happiness where my body and spirit feel healthy and content. I don’t have all the details figured, but I see the light, especially given all the careful financial planning I’ve been doing.
I’ve had experiences of organic health, happiness and peace. My bones and soul now know that truth. Once that truth and wisdom come, there’s no turning back. In the same ways that traumas register in the body, so do “healthy” “good” and “free.”
My body says it’s time.